Rihanna is deep..
I was having a deep inner dialogue with myself on my drive home today and I need to share some of it. I know those two ideas do not coincide, deep inner dialogue while driving home.. and while blasting Rihanna in the car. But it is what it is. The music got me thinking, because it is music I would typically work out to. The song "Diamonds" of all things, the lyrics, "Shine bright like a diamond" and "I chose to be happy"... Rihanna you are deeper than you let on. I have been focused lately on the topic of confidence, and what makes up a person's confidence, and here is the conclusion I have come to ultimately.
You have to find your confidence within yourself. If it turns out that your confidence level is a barely visible light inside of you, then you put work in to yourself, and shine brighter!
This mean "meeting yourself where you are now", don't think about where you were, or how you'll never get to where you want to be. Focus on it one day at a time. You cannot allow the input and criticism of others to influence your confidence, nor should you let what others are doing or not doing influence it either.
It is all about how you see yourself, what makes you happy, what makes your life fulfilling. Are you feeling fulfilled?
If you can't find happiness and confidence in your life, in who you are and what you are doing, then change the channel, put some love back in to your life. Do the things you love, spend time with people who love you and accept you, find a job that fulfills something in you. The better you treat yourself the better you will feel about yourself and your life. Easier said than done in most cases, but it's food for thought. Put love in and you will get love back!
Case in point: My current situation..
I have been battling with myself for months, feeling down, blue and frustrated, and guilty. Guilt about my "wagon" (healthy eating and weight loss wagon woot woot!) as I call it, falling off the wagon over and over has taken it's toll. "I was doing so well" I keep telling myself. I was truly, 6 solid months of on track health, and regular work outs, and 45 pounds down. I was on top of the world. But life comes in and makes a mess, and your plans and that feeling of being "on track" is gone before you can blink twice.
I let stress get the best of me, it happens to everyone...
I let things slide, and lost touch with what was important to me and vital to my health and well being. Sometimes the task at hand is all that matters, managing the stress and keeping my moods in check are number one. Meanwhile I was leading myself on the world's longest self imposed guilt trip. You know those days when you sort of talk to yourself, well I have said some mean things to myself... something I vowed never to do.
I was feeling so frustrated with what in my mind was personal failure, that I failed to realize how mean I was being to myself.
I have put back on 20 lbs of the original 45 I lost, there I said it.. and for months I have scolded myself for it.
It took me a while to come to a place where I could accept this,
so yes I put some of it back on, 20 pounds..and you know what, I lost it once and I can do it again. I know how to get there, 20,40,60 pounds bring it on! I was thinking about this class I'm taking today, Burlesquercise, and feeling rather terrified about my upcoming performance. A few weeks ago I had nearly backed out of the performance entirely, the ladies I know in the class aren't able to participate and I was panicking. I am not a dancer, I love to dance, but have never been trained to do so. I am clumsy, and silly and awkward. Something kept me pushing forward anyways, I signed up for this, I paid for this, and I want to do it, I want to get out there all dolled up in a costume and dance, so be it. No matter how ridiculous I might end up looking, I am doing it for me. I am going to dance my little ass off.
This is where I come back to the words:
" meet yourself where you are now" and that means loving yourself the way you are now too, do NOT dwell on where you were or where you want to be, focus on now. What can you do now, who can you be now? Take it one day , one step and one little bit of love at a time. You have to find your confidence within and take care of it. Maybe that means speaking kindly to yourself, or spending extra time getting ready in the morning, leaving yourself reminders, taking a class, listening to music you love, making big changes, making small changes.. do whatever you need to find that confidence because with it you can move mountains.
On a small side note:
I had started a series of posts in response to
Suger Coat It's Confident You series, http://www.sugercoatit.com/
but I am discontinuing them. I was finding in my writing that the posts were getting to be too deep and far too personal. I will continue to share my inner workings and insight, and just plain old ridiculous fun. But for me, the writings in response to hers I am going to keep for myself.
With that my lovelies.
I bid you adieu, until next time.
Much love
Erin
