Weekly Reflections: Melancholy and Malaise

Sigh. This week began and ended with a sigh. The beginning was a sigh of complete and utter pre-exhaustion. I knew the week was going to pack a punch. I should have known that the punch would knock me down.

Lesson learned: do not fill the entire week with things to do and endeavour to do every single one. I overwhelmed myself. No one else had a hand in that. The week thus ended with a sigh of actual exhaustion. 

Too many things in too little time. That is the end of that. This week I will vow to be much kinder to myself. Despite the toll my over active week has taken on me, I did have a wonderful week. 

I learned a few things this week too. I learned that it is okay to say no sometimes, for the sake of your mind. I learned that a week without the gym is not a sin, however it WILL take a toll on your mood. My moods were a marvel, "sit back and watch her head spin" said the people. Watch while she unravels! Next week I will not skip the gym, because a good long work out balances me out and smooths out the highs and the lows, the low lows. Today was a beautiful example of my many moods. The cat, our cat, Reznor for whatever reason begrudged me, I was petting him and he lost it, just wailed at me and scratched at me and I burst in to tears. What? Why? I felt like a mother whose child had just rejected a hug, just screamed at me instead of leaning in to me. I don't know what came over me but I cried and Paul giggled, while looking somewhat concerned. I think it must be hard to laugh and be concerned at the same time. This was just one of many coloured moods, this week we saw Angry Erin, Sad Erin, Melancholy Erin, Exhausted Erin, B*!&# Erin, Whiny Erin. Enough said!

I need to remember that going to the gym and working out is as much about my physical health as it is my mood. I will enjoy my low key and very well deserved relaxing weekend, and when Monday comes I will be prepared for a week of intensely good gym time. I think the key to a good week at the gym is in the planning, plan ahead. I will plot out the classes I want to go to and then fill in the blanks with self motivated workouts and training. I will use my notebook in hopes that writing the plan down will keep me on track. Here's where I give myself a handshake to seal the deal. Done and done. Moving forward now. 

In other news I now have two inspiring ladies to help me kick my butt in to shape. First is my lovely friend Danielle, a Weight Loss Consultant and Personal Trainer. She is amazing! <3 We try to make it to classes together whenever possible :)

The other of the two ladies is my Trainer at the gym, Noha. I will be working out with her two days a week starting this week. 

Excited dance commencing in 3,2,1. Yeah!

Last but not least, a quick update:

I have not faltered this week. Healthy Eating was accomplished. :) 

Indulgences: 2 - some chocolate and 2 cups of ice cream - nothing to fret about. 

I tried a protein powder this week, Vega - Chocolate flavoured, all natural, gluten free and plant based. I would not recommend it if you cannot stomach the taste of grass, because that is exactly what it tastes like.It purports to be chocolate, it is brown.. that does not equate to tasting like chocolate! It is grass flavoured at best. I will continue my search for protein powder. 

In the two months and 5 days since beginning this crazy adventure I have lost a total of 27 pounds now. I am sure at least 10 of those were pure water weight, even so success is still sweet as ever. 

I am also beginning to see the slightest bit of definition in my biceps. Weee! I am not naive, I know that it will not always be this easy, slow and steady wins the race right?. I have decided mini goals are the way to go, so for my first,I want to take off another 8lbs by my birthday,March 30th!I will try my best! 

That's all ladies and gentleman. Until tomorrow.

Sleep in Sunday is before me. Swoon

Love Erin 

Indulgences on Date Night - A Romantic Night Out at Char Cut

Last night was date night, a favourite of mine. I love getting dressed up and this particular date night was a surprise Paul sprung on me weeks ago, he said "don't make plans the 17th we have dinner reservations", excitement ensues! I love surprises.
Paul and I went out for a lovely dinner at Char Cut - Roast House in downtown Calgary. The restaurant's name stems from the term Charcuterie, see Definition: 
Charcuterie ( /ʃɑrˌkuːtəˈriː/ or /ʃɑrˈkuːtəri/; French: [ʃaʁkytʁi], from chair 'flesh' and cuit 'cooked') is the branch of cooking devoted to prepared meat products such as bacon, ham, sausage, terrines, galantines, pâtés, and confit, primarily from pork.^[1] Charcuterie is part of the garde manger chef's repertoire. Originally intended as a way to preserve meats before the advent of refrigeration, they are prepared today for their flavors derived from the preservation processes.^[2]
The restaurant itself has a very warm and dark atmosphere, soft lighting, candles at the tables, and bold modern decor mixed with a kind of rustic charm. Even the washrooms are appealing to the eye. We were sat down at a tiny table with candlelight and comfortable chairs and I was lucky enough to end up on the cushy bench side thanks to Paul.The location of the table was the only thing I would have changed, I would have preferred a booth. The waiter was very friendly and promptly brought us drinks and menus,and offered a choice of flat water or sparkling water. Oh la la. The Menus at Char Cut are changed and printed daily and one of the chefs, Connie DeSousa was on the show Top Chef Canada. A few of the dishes she made while on the show are included in the menu. They have a lovely selection on appetizers, main dishes and shareable dishes! They also have a small and delectable selection of desserts and cheese plates. We ordered the Char Board, which is the chef's selection of various meats/sides on the menu. We also dined on a second course of Foie Gras. We skipped dessert and instead opted for a cheese plate. It was a perfect, romantic and entirely beautiful night out.
PS. Paul was a perfect gentleman. Thank you for dinner Paul <3 
I would recommend this restaurant to anyone looking for a fun, romantic and reasonably priced gourmet night out. 
Here's a link to Char Cut's website: http://www.charcut.com

The Menu 

Char Cut Board - Top Left : Country Ham and beside that was Salami,on the white plate is the Foie Gras - melts in your mouth and full of flavour! Resting in the middle is Brioche and the jar is Pate, Beside that in the bowl is the best mustard I have ever had and in the bottom right, I don't recall the name.. but again melts in your mouth!

 This is the kind of food that you can't help but smile about eating. 

Cheese Plate - Paul ordered this, Gray Owl Cheese - a very flavourful Goat Cheese, and a soft Gruyere, the cheese was accompanied by Walnuts, Brioche, preserved Honey and some preserved fruit. Eating honey with cheese would never occur to me, this was simply amazing, it was just as good if not better than any dessert. 

 The second plate of Foie Gras 

And the eye appealing washroom. 

A postcard that accompanied our bill - it reads:

Best overall restaurant Calgary - Where Magazine

I love Date Night! 

Cheers and Love 

The Past, the Present and the Plus Size. Groan.

The past is never forgotten. I have a memory for faces.
I remember faces from years ago, people I knew as young as 5.
If I were to approach them and state such a thing, I would likely be met with some raised eyebrows. Not everyone remembers, or cares to. I am a sentimental heart, what can I say? I'm not crazy. Just nostalgic. 

I can tell you honestly that I have very few nostalgic moments when I think about High School,and really who does? 

Even if everything seemed peachy keen, we were awkward, angst filled and acne prone. Who were we kidding? My grade 10 year at 16 years old was the first time someone ever referred to me as being "Plus Sized".... 

Disclaimer: I am NOT going to tell my life story, relax. I will not begin to go in to painful detail about every tiny detail of my childhood. This is not that kind of blog. You are safe. 

Intro: I hate the term "Plus Size" Hate it! What does it even mean? It's still a size! do the numbers on those silly little tags really matter that much? NO! People come in all shapes and sizes. Simple!!!

Awkward and forever self conscious, that was me. I remember vividly having to buy "plus size" clothes for the first time, in High School. At the time I was happy about this, happy that I could walk in to a "plus size" store and pull anything I wanted off the rack and it would fit me. Except button down shirts (my chest did not agree with them) and plus size jeans (they had weird extra fabric in places I did not care for) 

That was 10 years ago, and at the time plus size clothing stores in Canada did not offer a line of clothing aimed at a younger crowd, and you were pinned between old lady clothes and clothing made for the urban business woman. I did not fit into those categories. So I rummaged for the few acceptable articles. Most often I opted for a mix of Old Navy finds, Baggy T shirts, and Value Village treasures. 
The options since that time have come around, they now offer clothing that fits well and looks good, no more old lady clothes. Although like anything there are as many misses as hits. For instance, why would I want to wear a shirt with racing stripes down the arms, a number on the back and the phrase "Sugar Mama" in glitter on the front? Why? Dear God Why? It exists. *Shudder*.. Remember those backless shirts they made in the late nineties, you know the ones.. the front looked like a typical sleeveless and the back was wide open with a string that tied across the middle lower back... just as weird! 

As I recall my adventures in shopping for clothes that fit, I am reminded of all the sizes I've been along the way. Sizes 10 - 22 I've been there and done that. I will stress this point, I do not concern myself with the numbers now or ever again. The number on a tag means nothing to me! I love clothes and especially dresses. I am happy and comfortable in my skin. I still have days when I feel a little self conscious, a little frumpy days, flat out gross days, don't even look at me and definitely don't touch me days. Those days dwindle in comparison to the days when I feel good. In fact I feel amazing. I couldn't ask for more. 

While on the topic, looking back at older pictures of myself makes me a little sad, not for the way I looked, but for the knowledge that I was so uncomfortable with myself at the time, and so self conscious. Everyone feels that way at some point, but I went on that way for years. A sense of sadness and curiosity comes with the path I'm on now too, sadness for what I leave behind and curiosity for what is around the corner. I feel like I am leaving a familiar old friend behind and stepping in to the unknown. "I'm brave, I can do this" I keep telling myself. But what if I wake up in the morning and I don't recognize my own face, like some kind of X Files episode. The changes are becoming more evident everyday, the latest being the alarming decrease in bra size. One size down. Yikes. I like my chest, I won't lie, I want to keep it intact. The other changes are small, a little less love handle, or "muffin top".My jeans slip and slide, but I am putting off buying new ones until they really don't fit. I am sad to say that a few of my favourite dresses are also teetering on the too big line, the one I wore tonight included. I am looking forward to seeing change and in the pursuit of change, I am finding happiness,but is it wrong to look back? is it wrong to feel a little sad? It can't all be sunshine and lollipops. Right? To the adventures to come. 

On that note. 
 Paul and I had a lovely "Date Night" tonight, dinner at Char Cut, 
(a post about that with a review to be posted ASAP) 
Now we are nestled in at his place relaxing and perhaps looking to watch a movie. I bid you adieu. Until tomorrow. 
Goodnight and Happy Weekend! Post some comments for me? 

Cheers! 

The Finer Points of Fitness and The Things No One Ever Says

I missed Zumba tonight, but in turn I had a nice trip to the grocery store and enjoyed a quiet dinner with Paul. When I did make it to the gym the class I had intended to go to was ending. So I went on my merry way in search of something to do.I came upon what I can only describe as a combination of an elliptical machine and a stair stepper.. I have no idea what it's really called so for now we will call it "the crazy stepper!".

 The machine looks intimidating, especially when the svelte and lulu clad girl next to you is stepping, high stepping.. her knees looked as if they might meet with her chin. Crazy!*gasp* I approached with some hesitation and started the contraption, moving my legs up and down,then picking up speed to find that the challenge was in stepping on to it. The machine was not the monster I imagined. However I still cannot figure out how that girl was getting her legs so high.. next time I may ask her. It was a happy warm up. 
Moving on after words to a scramble of jumping jacks and strength exercises that went something like this..

5 min warm up stretch 
10 min warm up on the high stepping contraption 
20 reps x 6 sets of jumping jacks 
20 crunches 
20 reverse crunches 
20 squats with a bicep curl (5lb dumb bell)
20 chest fly (8lb dumb bell)
30 tricep pull downs 
10 walking lunges 
10 squats/no weights 
and 15 minutes of stretching at the end.

It was beautifully refreshing. A much needed end to Wednesday. 
I do my best thinking at the gym. All while bouncing around and sweating.Today I was thinking about this adventure of mine and just how difficult it is. There are so many pieces that fit it in to the complex puzzle of health, wellness and fitness. You could really make yourself crazy. There's the obvious pieces, and then the many variables and inconsistencies that come with each persons story. 

Here are Pieces of the Puzzle of Health and Fitness - By Erin 
(interpreted by me for your reading pleasure.. and because I love making lists. and in no specific order, also not intended to be advice so much as my opinion) 

1. Making the needed changes to your eating habits and nutrition. 
This part falls in to four separate categories of people:

A. You have no intention of changing anything because you intend to work out in a fashion that only the hulk would attempt
B. You will change everything because your eating habits are not ideal and you need a real change 
C. You are infinitely better at this part and already have eating perfected to a fine art, and eating healthy at that. you are a rockstar in your own right and I applaud you. 
D. You will change half, either your current eating habits, or some of what you are eating.... 

2. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise
This one is the aha moment, you need to move to lose weight? or tone or get in any kind of shape that differs from the shape you are in now.
Easy right? Not so! It is NOT easy to incorporate this seamlessly in to your already busy life unless you have some experience doing so, or you have a lot of motivation and determination. It may not be easy but it is worth it for reasons that cannot even be counted or weighed because they so out number the cons. 

3. Motivation 
You have to want it. At the end of the day the only person who is going to get your body moving and change the way you do things is you. Our friends and families can offer support and motivating words but the power lies within. 

4. Drink your 8 glasses of water. I drink somewhere between 4-7,I try for 8. Eight is a lot, and you will likely spend a great deal of time looking for a bathroom if you do manage to drink 8 in one day, or so I would think. 

5. Vitamins, Shakes and Supplements 
Should you choose to use them the options are endless, but beware not all are the end all be all perfect one.. I am not the expert here. I can't find what I am looking for 95% of the time when faced with the vast rows and rows of vitamins. I do know one thing, all health products are not created equal. 

6. Good Shoes 
Your feet take a beating at the gym, you need comfortable shoes. 
Personally mine are not wide enough for my Fred Flinstone feet and I need to find better ones. 

7. Mindfulness
A yoga teacher I met recently said something that stuck with me, 
she said "always exercise mindfully" take it slow and steady if need be, just be mindful of your body and the purpose for which you are moving. 

8. SLEEP!!!
This one is key,more than anything else perhaps. I still can't get this one right, one day... I enjoy being a night owl. 

9. Good Music 
To listen to at all times, at home, before bed, on the way to work, on the way home, on the way anywhere.. at the gym. Everywhere!
Unless of course you don't like music, if that is the case you clearly need your head examined. 

10. A clear mind 
Sweep all of the days mess out, and just try to be clear, once in a while you need to turn the noise out and just let yourself have a clear and quiet mind. How it's done is up to you. For me it is a number of possible ways, painting, drawing, reading, listening to music, driving, sitting in the park, watching the clouds, day dreaming, working out, so many good ways to clear the mind.  

11. Balance 
Interpret this as you will. It can be any kind of balance , the act of physical balance, balancing your workouts, balancing your diet, balancing something on your head, balancing your life, your sleep.. 
Just find some balance please. 

12. Go to the Doctor 
Don't avoid doctors , if you're in pain or feel ill, or something is just not right go see someone! I don't like going to the doctor, but it is a necessary annoyance. 

13. Take care of your Soul. 
This could mean a great many things, it really depends on the person. What makes you feel good? What makes your heart jump, makes you smile, makes life worth living, inspires you? The things you love are so good for the soul. 

14. Don't be too hard on yourself 
Simple. Treat yourself kindly, don't stress when you make a mistake, or fall off the wagon. It is not the end of the world. Whatever happened will be new again tomorrow, there is always tomorrow. 

15. NEVER Be afraid to say this is HARD!!!!
No one says this enough, no one tells you this, because no one wants to admit that some bridges are hard to cross. Big changes,life's milestones, the really important things are often difficult. 
Varying degrees of difficult yes. Even the happy things are not always easy.. So just say it. This is hard! 

16. Don't fret over indulgence.
Money, Food, Guilty Pleasures. We all need them. So don't freak out when you spend too much, eat too much or eat something you shouldn't have,I say this and then fail to take this advice on many occasions. 
I freak out on a weekly basis over money and other such things. Let's try not to. I freaked out over the weekend because I had finished half a bag of tostitos tortilla chips all by myself... true story. 

17. Be bold. Be fearless!  

18. Be yourself. Above all else. Just remember you are all you've got, you are one of a kind. So just enjoy being you. 

19. Keep Trying
If at first you do not succeed, try, try again. 

20. Don't sweat the small stuff. 

and SMILE! 

That's my list. I hope you enjoy it. 
Time for bed now my lovely readers. Goodnight. 
Have a Happy Thursday! 

Much Love 
Erin 

PS.
Here's a little bit I found on the web..

7 Principles of Wellness:

• Think
• breathe
• drink
• eat
• sleep
• exercise
• detox
• environmental

Weekly Reflections - This Business of Life

It's been a few weeks since a "weekly reflections" post. 
Here's the dish. 

Work has been very busy and full of new challenges. 3 Clients is more than I expected. It's a lot of fun and I wouldn't trade it for anything, however the prevalence of vacations taken at this time of year is beginning to make sense. I want a get away too. 
My side projects have taken on a life of their own, specifically my art business. Art projects are coming out of the wood work! I can't be anything but happy about it, I wanted this. I thrive on projects and keeping busy. All of this productivity is leaving little time for a good solid workout, so it's time to crack the whip again. 

Cravings! Oy vey! I don't crave sugar often, I do crave Chocolate. I could eat chocolate endlessly. Not so much the crap chocolate bars from the grocery store, but a Dairy Milk with some nuts, or recently Dark Chocolate. I have never liked Dark Chocolate, why now? Why do I crave it? The rest of the sugar filled world means nothing to me, chocolate you are lovely. 
Salt is the lesser of two evils..I ate an unacceptable amount of Tortilla chips this past weekend. Salsa sweet salsa to accompany them. I love Salsa on a salsa actually. I must remember not to keep giant bags of tortilla chips in the house and save those for nights out and Nachos. Back on track this week. I have been enjoying some fabulous salads filled with seeds and nuts, cranberries and topped off with vinagrette! Yum! 
My favorite combination has been the concept of a sandwich in salad form, basically anything you would put in a sandwich mashed up in to a salad. Over the weekend I made a tuna salad, mixed greens, tuna, mustard, grapes... I know weird.. and some vinagrette! 

Weather. Calgary's weather forecast is known, and in fact infamous for changing in a split second. This winter is the perfect example. It has been warm and dry, fooling the inexperienced in to the false belief that spring has sprung! When you least expect it is unreasonably cold, windy and wildly sporadic storms take over. Fun right? I can't complain. We have been blessed with a good dose of sunshine and some days it is even warm enough to wear flip flops! The flip side,(hahaha punny) is the charming effect that a change in weather has on my mood.I am one of many many plagued with Seasonal Affective Disorder, it's very common. I won't bother you with numbers or statistics but here's the definition:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

• Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)
• Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)
• Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

The symptoms don't all fit. But that's the consensus. I have been lucky this year, winter has not defeated me. The sun has been a god send and consistent workouts keep the my mood swings at bay.

The crazy weather has made motivation hard to come by, some days are better than others. When the roads are bad and traffic is worse it's really hard to push for a trip to the gym. When it's gray and grumpy outside, it takes a toll on my mood, the gym is the last place I want to be. Once I get there, once I am in that head space it is an entirely different story. The last few weeks it has been miraculous to squeak in a workout, honestly and unashamed. I haven't given it my all. Tonight it's back on, going to Zumba! The dancing and the music are always a good pick me up.

On that note.. I will have to cut this one short. It's time for me to go pick up Paul from work. I'll post again tomorrow. Until then. Keep smiling, because the sun is shining :)

Much Love

Good for The Soul Food - Experiments in my Boyfriends Kitchen.

Overdue. Here's another episode of Good for the Soul Food 

 Today's episode is brought you by the letter B for Boyfriend and his kitchen full of mustard coloured appliances. This week has brought me back to my love of cooking once again! I missed it. If cooking were a style of comedy, mine would be Improvisation, I rarely follow a recipe, and if I do it's used as a guideline, not a rule. I often add extra ingredients and more of the ingredients I love, and most often there is no recipe involved at all. This week is no exception, no recipes, just fun. Most of what I have been eating lately has been easy to make salads, veggies and meals already made at home (there is a certain amount of luxury to living temporarily with the parents, and they are so darn cute and fun to hang out with too :) love you both dearly) Random shout outs aside. I have managed to make two pretty awesome meals this week for dinner and both have been met with applause and an appreciative and happy Paul. It is nice to eat a dinner I have spent time on. PS. I have determined today that I rock the socks off being a girlfriend! I am so good at it. :) Some day I will make an even better wife. Right Paul? 

 Spaghetti Sauce - Ingredients: Tomato Sauce, Diced Tomatoes, Zucchini, Spinach, Half an Onion, Garlic Powder, Thyme, Basil, Oregano, 1/2 lb of extra lean Ground Beef and lots of Love.

Paul helped with a lot of this, he chopped the Onions and Zucchini

Spaghetti Sauce laid out on a bed of Mrs. Lepers Corn Noodles - Gluten Free! 

Chicken with a sweet sticky tomato sauce, Salsa, Ketchup, Basil, and a secret ingredient. A friend of mine gave me the recipe. 

My willing test subject Mr.Charlie Cauliflower - Soon to be Mr.Mashed Cauliflower

The Beautiful finished product! 

Baked Sticky Chicken, Grilled Veggies, and Mashed Cauliflower with a hint of Garlic. 

Ps. Mashed Cauliflower tastes amazing, and I'm told is a great alternative if you love potatoes. However.. the texture is something that is tricky to accomplish, I know I missed the ball on this one. 

My mashed cauliflower came out looking a bit like soggy laundry soap or cottage cheese.. but it tastes sooo good, so it was worth it,even Paul liked it! 

Paul's Mustard Coloured Appliances Exhibit A - The Stove, complete with three small burners and one large. This makes cooking with more than two pots or pans difficult but highly entertaining. 

Exhibit B - The Refridgerator

Very Classy and almost entirely comprised of condiments. Soon to be remedied, we are going grocery shopping this weekend :) 

Breakfast in St.Albert - Spanish Omelette and Tomatoes Yum!

Dinner made by Paul's Mom Emma,Yellow Rice, Spinach Salad with Strawberry Vinagrette and Ribs! So good! 

My lunch today - Spinach, Cranberries and Pumpkin Seeds (Forgot to bring dressing sadly) Cucumbers and Red Pepper Hummus 

Some drawings/writings I did while in St.Albert. :) 

That's all for tonight readers! More to come this week. Look for ... 

"Weekly Reflections" and updates! 

Happy Wednesday!