The Past, the Present and the Plus Size. Groan.

The past is never forgotten. I have a memory for faces.
I remember faces from years ago, people I knew as young as 5.
If I were to approach them and state such a thing, I would likely be met with some raised eyebrows. Not everyone remembers, or cares to. I am a sentimental heart, what can I say? I'm not crazy. Just nostalgic. 

I can tell you honestly that I have very few nostalgic moments when I think about High School,and really who does? 

Even if everything seemed peachy keen, we were awkward, angst filled and acne prone. Who were we kidding? My grade 10 year at 16 years old was the first time someone ever referred to me as being "Plus Sized".... 

Disclaimer: I am NOT going to tell my life story, relax. I will not begin to go in to painful detail about every tiny detail of my childhood. This is not that kind of blog. You are safe. 

Intro: I hate the term "Plus Size" Hate it! What does it even mean? It's still a size! do the numbers on those silly little tags really matter that much? NO! People come in all shapes and sizes. Simple!!!

Awkward and forever self conscious, that was me. I remember vividly having to buy "plus size" clothes for the first time, in High School. At the time I was happy about this, happy that I could walk in to a "plus size" store and pull anything I wanted off the rack and it would fit me. Except button down shirts (my chest did not agree with them) and plus size jeans (they had weird extra fabric in places I did not care for) 

That was 10 years ago, and at the time plus size clothing stores in Canada did not offer a line of clothing aimed at a younger crowd, and you were pinned between old lady clothes and clothing made for the urban business woman. I did not fit into those categories. So I rummaged for the few acceptable articles. Most often I opted for a mix of Old Navy finds, Baggy T shirts, and Value Village treasures. 
The options since that time have come around, they now offer clothing that fits well and looks good, no more old lady clothes. Although like anything there are as many misses as hits. For instance, why would I want to wear a shirt with racing stripes down the arms, a number on the back and the phrase "Sugar Mama" in glitter on the front? Why? Dear God Why? It exists. *Shudder*.. Remember those backless shirts they made in the late nineties, you know the ones.. the front looked like a typical sleeveless and the back was wide open with a string that tied across the middle lower back... just as weird! 

As I recall my adventures in shopping for clothes that fit, I am reminded of all the sizes I've been along the way. Sizes 10 - 22 I've been there and done that. I will stress this point, I do not concern myself with the numbers now or ever again. The number on a tag means nothing to me! I love clothes and especially dresses. I am happy and comfortable in my skin. I still have days when I feel a little self conscious, a little frumpy days, flat out gross days, don't even look at me and definitely don't touch me days. Those days dwindle in comparison to the days when I feel good. In fact I feel amazing. I couldn't ask for more. 

While on the topic, looking back at older pictures of myself makes me a little sad, not for the way I looked, but for the knowledge that I was so uncomfortable with myself at the time, and so self conscious. Everyone feels that way at some point, but I went on that way for years. A sense of sadness and curiosity comes with the path I'm on now too, sadness for what I leave behind and curiosity for what is around the corner. I feel like I am leaving a familiar old friend behind and stepping in to the unknown. "I'm brave, I can do this" I keep telling myself. But what if I wake up in the morning and I don't recognize my own face, like some kind of X Files episode. The changes are becoming more evident everyday, the latest being the alarming decrease in bra size. One size down. Yikes. I like my chest, I won't lie, I want to keep it intact. The other changes are small, a little less love handle, or "muffin top".My jeans slip and slide, but I am putting off buying new ones until they really don't fit. I am sad to say that a few of my favourite dresses are also teetering on the too big line, the one I wore tonight included. I am looking forward to seeing change and in the pursuit of change, I am finding happiness,but is it wrong to look back? is it wrong to feel a little sad? It can't all be sunshine and lollipops. Right? To the adventures to come. 

On that note. 
 Paul and I had a lovely "Date Night" tonight, dinner at Char Cut, 
(a post about that with a review to be posted ASAP) 
Now we are nestled in at his place relaxing and perhaps looking to watch a movie. I bid you adieu. Until tomorrow. 
Goodnight and Happy Weekend! Post some comments for me? 

Cheers!