The Art of Loving Yourself

Few things in this world are constant and unconditional. Love is. 

I have learned the hard way that having a little love for yourself goes a long way. Picking myself apart for kicks and perfecting the art of self criticism didn't get me very far. 

I count myself lucky, I am happy, and comfortable in my own skin. A rare thing to find in your twenties. Someone said to me once that " in our twenties we think we know everything!" "young people think they know everything!" I don't, and will never claim to. 

I had to learn how to love me.  

I rarely felt that I was pretty, at least not conventionally pretty. I was smart and sometimes funny. I was also detrimentally shy in previous years. Paul says I was "queer shy", so quiet it became on oddity. SO shy in fact that I was often mistook for being a snob,or just plain weird. I suppose I still am shy in some small way, I just find I have so much to say and this energy that I need to unleash. I'll admit to being awkward at times and I am infamous for long drawn out, often pointless stories, but I rarely see that shy girl anymore. Coming out of that safe shell of shyness has given me freedom. Freedom and a carefree lease on life, I could have missed out on so many amazing people and friendships had I kept it up. With that came confidence, and an ease that I have never felt. I was so anxious, and then suddenly so at ease with other people and myself. I sometimes feel like I've lived two lives, the quiet one and the ridiculous one I parade through now. I enjoy my life!

Back to the business of being pretty. Like anyone, there are things about me I cannot change, but spent years before obsessing over, stupid things like the shape of my nose or my big feet. Having always been curvier, and blessed with certain assets (I am talking about my chest)I hid from the world most of the time.  

My weight has fluctuated up and down and all over the place. 

Sizes 12-24 I've been there. The highs and lows, the times I felt the best were the times I wasn't worried about what others thought. The lows came with antidepressants and rampant weight gain. I loved the inside me. My appearance was an after thought. 

Until that nagging feeling crept up on me, I went from not feeling very pretty to feeling down right hideous. That's when it came together, I didn't have to feel that way , I could do something about it. So I spent more time finding clothes that fit me and I loved, at that size, instead of wishing I were smaller. I put love in to the things I felt I had control over and the will to change, like my hair,my clothes,and makeup. I learned it was okay to put myself first sometimes and spend time on me. 

I learned the value of self confidence and telling myself good things, rather than criticizing myself constantly. I learned how to love myself as a whole. 

I wish I could have given myself the same advice years ago.Realized I was wasting my time being my own worst critic.

 An actress I follow on YouTube and now on her own page, by the name of Joy Nash puts it best "Now is all you've got" and "Today you look at pictures of your 13 year old self and you're shocked at how cute you were, why didn't anyone tell you how cute you were? Well guess what, ten years from now we'll be looking at today, of us here and now and we'll be shocked at how cute we were!" "Here's the mission: To live today like you wish you would have 10 years from now, because in the future we will look at the past and wonder what the hell our problem was, we get one life, this is it, live it up!" All quotes from her videos. Check her out here: www.joynash.net or you tube search Joy Nash. 

I love me exactly the way I am now, of course there is always room for growth and positive change. But I genuinely like who I am, and feel happy in this body , at this size as I am right now. 

Flaws and all. I might even call myself pretty.

Don't get me wrong I still have bad days and I still get down and  have those awful awful days where I don't want to look in the mirror and I just feel gross. In the grand scheme of things I am happy and healthy, I can walk, a roof over my head and family and friends that love me. That is a lot to be happy for.

A bad hair day or a classic "fat day" isn't going to be the end of the world as we know it. That happiness is the reason this adventure has come about, I am happy, but I do not feel I am as healthy as I could be. 

I don't think I ever really believed I could change my physical make up, not on my own. I stumbled upon periods of miraculous weight loss, I'd lose 20-30 just because my eating habits had changed slightly or I was working somewhere that required more physical labor. It hasn't been until now , in the last year or so that I have felt empowered, to change what I previously felt was impossible. I have all the motivation in the world, determination and energy. I want change. "I refuse to fail" as my dear friend Chelsey might say. I love me, the way I am now. However I have higher hopes, for my health and well being. My family history is chock full of danger, and I want to live a very long life. Life had better watch out because here I come. 

Some thoughts..... 

Remember to love yourself. 

Remember to speak kindly to yourself.

Find the features you love and highlight them. 

Dress to fit your body now, don't wait to dress the way you want when you lose 20 pounds. 

Don't worry about what other people say or think, your opinion of yourself comes first, make it a good one. 

Don't spend all your time comparing yourself to others, be your own person. 

"Comparison is the thief of all joy, you're beautiful being you."

Do spend time on you. 

Do take time out for yourself. 

Love yourself inside and out. The rest is cake. 

Much Love 

Erin